Dating tips for geeks
I’m really struggling to find the right words to initiate this conversation, because everything that pops into my head has strong overtones of “PLEASE LOVE ME FOREVER” and “I’m putting all my hopes and dreams on you despite only having known you for 10 weeks or so”…
and those are NOT the kinds of conversations I want to have.
He stares at me a lot when we are together and it makes me feel uncomfortable, like he is waiting to kiss me instead of enjoying time hanging out together.
We already had a talk about where things are going, and I told him his nervousness was making me feel uncomfortable and I wanted him to relax.
Of course, much of it is geared towards straight women, and either implies or outright says things like “Don’t be too pushy. Let him do the chasing.” DON’T STARTLE THE WILD MALE HUMAN.
There’s a heck of a lot of cultural messaging to the effect that [in a heterosexual relationship] it is a woman’s role to push for commitment and that men dread this conversation, which makes me both extra nervous about it and also kind of resentful.
He also said he hasn’t gotten this far with a date in a long time, and he has “reasons” for being so awkward. The real problem is that all this talk about being awkward makes me feel extremely angry and panicked.I find it very presumptuous that he assumes his “reasons” or trauma are worse than mine. I am also angry that he won’t be patient and give the relationship a chance to unfold.I feel like he is already emotionally committed, and that he doesn’t want to “screw it up.” It’s putting a lot of pressure on me.I’m sure I should communicate that I feel uncomfortable chatting with a coworker on a dating site, so do you have any scripts for that?Or would it be better to just block him and pretend it never happened?
It’s frustrating and embarrassing for me that I feel so lost as to how to bring this up.